How have you grown this Advent?

This Advent has been quite a different one for my family and me. Both my son and I had orthopedic surgery and have been recovering for several weeks. This season has been a different kind of busy for us.   I love the Church season of Advent and I love the secular Christmas season.  As soon as Thanksgiving weekend passes, I have my Christmas to do list for my family.  I love breakfast with Santa, volunteering at My Brothers’ Keeper, going to Christmas concerts at Church, visiting Jordan’s Furniture, visiting Lasalette shrine, making and decorating cookies, going to events and celebrations and the list goes on.   I love it all and my personality is such that I set the family schedule so we accomplish it all.  Lists and accomplishments drive me in many areas of life and I love the feeling of accomplishment even if by Christmas Eve I am very tired. To say this year has been different has been an understatement.    The positive side is that I have been very faithful to my Advent prayer and practices, as I have a great deal of time and I have really put my trust in the Lord to bring healing to my family and guide us through a stressful time.   Wow, that makes me sound great.   Doesn’t it?  

The reality is even rooted in that prayer my peaceful Advent has been in conflict with my guilt and a constant nagging feeling of not “doing enough”.  I look on Instagram and Facebook and I see the world participating in all the activities we cannot do this year.  The feelings of envy and guilt sneak in.  Envy for myself because I love all that stuff and guilt for having a weakness and not being a “good enough mom” who can post the perfect Christmas pictures on social media have taken over my thoughts often.  We have not been able to participate in our usual holiday family traditions.  The drive through light display in Marshfield substituted for Lasalette shrine and Pandora has taken the place of the church Christmas concert.  Many days that has taken over my early morning peaceful Advent, and has left me a little sad, and at times my family too.

When it came time to write the blog – I thought what in the world could I write about that is full of hope, expectation, and the impending joy of Christmas.  I do not feel very much joy.  What can I possibly share?  I looked at the readings and a few thing jumped out for me. Ahaz needed and was promised a sign.   St. Paul challenges us as he often does to follow our call to grow in holiness. Then, we hear the story of Joseph, the model of holy obedience and trust in the signs and calls of the Lord.   Isn’t that what Advent really is supposed to be… waiting for a sign? ….growing in holiness? ….living in expectation of the fulfillment of that dream?  Soon we will celebrate the birth of Jesus, “God with us.”  So shouldn’t Advent really be about taking notice?  What have I taken notice of this Advent?

Then I looked over at the Advent wreath that sits on my table.  It is a make shift wreath we had to put together because I was not at Holy Family to buy one of those beautiful wreaths from the Bible Study women.  The centerpiece of my table is usually one of those picture perfect beautiful wreaths … This year our centerpiece is one with make an old berries wreath found in the attic and candles glued to a paper plate(My husband’s genius!).  It is not perfect and beautiful at all, but I was struck…  The candles for the first three weeks are getting really really low, so much lower than usual.  (We are getting close to fire hazard status with the paper plate.)  Usually the candles are almost new even at the end of the season.  I usually have the best of intentions with the Advent wreath but it usually just looks pretty.  I thought,  what is the difference this year?  Why are the candles so low?  As, I consider this I reviewed the weeks of Advent.   Each time we ate dinner together, we lit the wreath as always, but because we have not been out checking things off my list, we have lit it so much more.  We have gathered around the table, eating meals some prepared by family and friends that have loved and cared for us during this trying time.  We have had it lit as we have wrapped together at the counter and played many board games at the table.  I reflected on the blessings we have been given this Advent and there have been many.  This Advent, I have come to know that it is okay to be and not to accomplish (me pray to hold onto to this in the New Year!). We have stayed up late much too late because we do not have a real schedule and spent a great deal of time just being together!     Among a time of much stress and anxiety, there has been much laughter and love in our home, both amongst us, and from the many who have reached out to help us, support us, and pray for us along the way.  We have learned to be grateful in a new way.

We are lucky that we are housebound an have limited for a very short period, relative to the whole year and in the Spring it will all be a distant memory.   Life, however, is not Facebook perfect all the time and that is okay and its okay to share the less than perfect parts of our story.  Life is messy and if we are honest, we do not need to gloss over the challenges just to show the world our perfection.   In the Gospel this Sunday, Joseph a good and holy man is visited in a dream and listens to God’s will and follows it. Talk about messy, how does one explain that?  Not only does he hear and listen to the Lord, but also he must have shared his less than perfect story of his already pregnant fiancée and the dream that assured him God was with him.  Imagine having the courage to share that less than perfect story so that it could be recorded and all of us thousands of years later could be challenged to say yes to all the Lord has in store for us as Joseph did. 

I have received many blessings, learned many things, and I wait in expectation and hope for Christmas so that I can take all the Lord has shown me this Advent into my year ahead and grow in holiness following the example of Joseph. I have noticed many things that I never would have and I have learned to appreciate small things.  The comfort of my home for one and the blessings of that comfort.  So many people go without that comfort.  I have to come to respect the body God has given me and been challenged to care for it in new ways.  It takes a little less than perfect to see all that is good just the way it is.     Our messy life situations are meant to be shared, as Joseph did, to help us grow and help others grow alongside us.     

How have you grown this Advent?

Reflection by Jeanne Cregan